lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
