u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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