I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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