it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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