Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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