why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
