my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
