he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
