The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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