perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
