I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
