ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
