Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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