swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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