I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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