So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My pussy is not your playground.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
