Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
