So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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