just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i've created a new STD.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
