You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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