If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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