Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
