How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
