you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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