I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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