someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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