i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
