you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
