I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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