Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i think i have two assholes
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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