Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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