So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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