when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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