I wish I only lived at night.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
