closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
