last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
