When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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