she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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