I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
