You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
