: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
