i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize