Who did Billy Mays play for?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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