I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
