if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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