Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
