I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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