I'm drive I can fine osifer
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
