Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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