I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Boobs speak an international language.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
