So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
