Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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