Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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