Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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