call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize