"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
