Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize