Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Randomize
