Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you would pick up someone in the library
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
