I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
