you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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