I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
