my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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