The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
