I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
