I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
