I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
