I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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