Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
