My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
