i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
