Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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