Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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